Twenty-Five and Still Kicking: Lessons I’ve Learned in the Past Year as a New Teacher and Beyond
The last year has been one of the longest of my life. The seconds have trickled slowly by at points, yet I now find myself nearing the end of the school year. Besides the fact that this year marked the first year with my own classroom as an English teacher, I was also forced to overcome personal life challenges and dig deep within myself to find clarity. The experiences I have had include both positive and negative experiences ending in, ultimately, growth and self-awareness. Beyond my classroom, I have “lost” and “gained” many friends this year as well as people where the word "friend" just doesn't come close to cutting it. I put the words "lost" and "gained" in quotation marks because I believe that most of these people will always be my friends in some way, but my interactions with many of these people has changed in some way. I have had to pull myself through challenges and trying times, but have come out for the better at the other end.
I have changed markedly in the past year, and I will continue to change and grow throughout my life, probably drastically in some instances. I want to share with all of you some of the lessons I have learned and experiences I have had over the course of the school year as well as some of the insights I have gained through those lessons and experiences. I will also share some insights from people who have influenced me throughout the year. These are my opinions, but they are also things that I will try to abide by in my life.
These do not reflect compartmentalized beliefs, but reflect ideas about being a teacher, a friend, a lover, a brother, a son, a grandson etc. all at once. These are about living life. Don’t take my words to heart too quickly. Challenge them. Incorporate them into your own lives as you see fit. I am not telling you how to live your life, but how I think I want to live mine. I write this for myself. I write this for refinement. I write this for insight into myself. Some of these passages may seem self-righteous, but I assure you I am not being self-righteous. I do not judge anyone for holding beliefs different from my own. I am also far from attaining these goals myself. Lesson learned numero uno will tell you that.
Here we go now. No particular thought has been placed on the order beyond the first three:
1. In always being a student, you learn how to teach.
Understanding that your knowledge and experience are very limited compared to the knowledge and experiences of the whole will make you better off and will humble you. My students this year have taught me more than I could ever teach myself in a lifetime. Use others' knowledge and strengths to improve yourself and foster a positive environment around you. Lead by example, and, in doing so, make it known that you are constantly a student, regardless of how many degrees you have earned.
2. Transparency and self-awareness will fulfill you.
Be honest with people. Be true to yourself as well as your values; don’t be afraid to share these values with others and stand up for what you believe in. Even if it means making huge sacrifices (a teacher/carpenter I admire cut up his Menard's credit card this year citing his values as motivation for doing so), you find yourself better off for sticking to your personal six shooters. Knowing what you stand for is part of being self-aware. The more we know about ourselves, the more easily we can know when we need to take stands for what we believe in.
Regarding transparency, our moms said “honesty is the best policy.” They were right all along. We all have secrets we will keep from people forever, and no one will ever give the gift of full transparency. However, I now believe that the fewer secrets we hold within ourselves, the better. This allows us to be more genuine and intimate in our relationships with others, and, when people see that you put it all out on the table, they generally respond in a positive fashion. People will open up to you in ways you never thought possible when you open up to them. Remember that white lies are a slippery slope and that honesty often hurts, but it is usually better in the long run.
3.Find a way to stay positive; there is no such thing as finding a silver lining, because you create your own silver lining.
We all make a choice about how we think about every situation we encounter in life. We make many, many choices every day. The more we choose to look at things in a positive light, the more our positivity will be infectious. Smile at people. Try to engage people. Share the love that you have for life and others with perfect strangers and close friends alike. When something bad (or good) happens, your mood will affect others’ moods around you. It’s amazing how many people we each influence on a day-to-day basis. Make it a positive influence through your actions and words. Anger and punishment rarely motivate people, and when they do motivate people it is for the wrong reasons.
4. Foster many relationships.
Make sure to diversify, but put your heart and soul into every one. Throw yourself cautiously to the wind when it comes to love, but be sure to remember you have many kinds of love for many different people in your life. Do not neglect true friendships or family, they are the backbone of your existence. However, I have learned that true friends will be there in ways you cannot imagine even if they are forgotten or wronged, that sometimes it can be surprising who may come to your rescue. Choose the people you surround yourself with carefully, for they will define who you are in ways you may not realize.
Also, sometimes it is necessary to find seclusion for the right reasons. When it doesn’t feel right to be around people, allow yourself some space; it’s probably necessary. However, always remember what Christopher McCandless found in his dying moments in a deserted bus in Alaska. Quite possibly, it was a greater truth: “Happiness only real when shared.” Know also when the time is right to reach out to people again, for all relationships are the path to true happiness.
5. Treat people well.
Use your intuition and faith (in god, in yourself, wherever you find it) to guide you as to what that means, but find like-minded people and fortify your beliefs and values with experiences. Strive to do right by people, and if you make a mistake, own it. Apologize to the best of your ability and try to be humble. You will only be able to truly accept yourself if you accept the bad with the good. Part of the human experience is that we all do some good and some bad, but making a conscious decision that you want to do good will motivate you. If you can look in the mirror each day and tell yourself that you have tried to do right by people in your life, you will find that happiness finds you sooner. Be sure, confident, and deliberate in your actions so that you do not have to second-guess yourself later: you will have fewer regrets. If happiness is truly linked to our shared relationships, then we need to find positive ways to foster relationships in our lives. I have always prided myself on how I’ve treated people, but I have now realized that it is imperative that I go out of my way to treat other people well.
6.If we put ourselves in other people’s boots, we will be better off.
Steven Covey writes in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” We are fighting this good fight together, whether we like it or not. Sometimes it seems that we are all on opposite pages, but we are all looking for universal things. Often they involve a way of being happy. The more empathy we can have for others, and the more we strive to accept people for who they are, both the bad and the good, the better we will understand ourselves and our own motivations and the more we can help others.
7. Karma is a bitch sometimes, but it is real.
Good things happen to good people. Bad things happen to good people. Ultimately, believing in Karma doesn’t mean believing in a tangible outcome. If you believe karma to be receiving something good in return for your efforts to do good by people, you are, in turn, perceiving that you are helpless as to creating good returns for yourself. When bad things happen to us, we need to be proactive in how we react to those situations. Staying positive isn’t always easy, but the sooner we can find the positives about our current situation, the sooner we can move on from that to create something better. Karma isn’t as easy as giving and receiving anyhow. It’s often about how we choose to act in and react to certain situations. The karmic returns come in the satisfaction that your motivations and intentions have been and are true. If motivations and intentions are untrue, then, in order to create a positive karmic experience, we need to learn from those in order to be more self-aware.
8. Everyone is selfish, but selfishness doesn’t have to be a bad thing.
First, make sure that your motivations and intentions for doing something are pure. Purity is something that is an abstract, so we have to trust our instincts and faith. If we are doing something for the wrong reasons, it should and will be evident even though it may take some time to realize that. We get something (needs or wants) out of every experience in which we choose to partake, and we make those choices everyday. We should strive to choose to do things that are backed by the right motivations and intentions, whether that be in our personal lives, at work, or even when interacting within ourselves.
9. Be proud of your gray hairs.
I have just a few silver threads that have snuck in with my dark brown hair now. They aren’t really visible to the naked eye, but I point them out to people anyways. Though the link between stress and gray hair is debatable, I can tell you that I don’t think I would have them if the year had gone differently. The greatest amount of learning comes in the hardest, most stressful times. Push yourself and work hard to get learning done during these times even though it can be difficult. I was once taught in one of my Curriculum/Instruction classes that the greatest learning comes from being pushed to the edge; I would argue that sometimes we need to be pushed beyond that in order to truly learn about ourselves. In reconstructing ourselves in healthy ways, we often find the greatest sense of refinement.
10. Healthy skepticism is good with the right intentions, but trusting others works wonders.
Don’t be afraid to put your trust in people. That fear, perhaps, comes from not fully trusting yourself.
11. Be patient with people.
Randy Pausch, in The Last Lecture, says, “If you wait long enough, people will surprise and impress you.” It’s true; people generally come through in the end.
12. Laugh hard, laugh loud, and laugh often.
Humor, used in the right way, can be the greatest tool. It can diffuse situations, help to foster relationships, and makes others and yourself happier. However, humor can be easily misinterpreted. Be careful not to put others down in your humor or use humor for the wrong reasons.
13. Be forgiving to others as well as to yourself; forgiveness isn’t only for saints.
During the course of this year, I have blamed myself, then blamed others, then realized that blame is a blocking agent. Ultimately, we need to forgive in order to be forgiven, but that process may take a long time. Forgiveness incorporates many of the items above, and in order to forgive people we often have to admit to ourselves what we did wrong or could have done better in the process. At the same time, it’s often too easy to be hard on yourself. Find that balance. Remember also that you aren’t owed anything.
14. Sometimes living your life means grief, struggle, and even being on the brink of insanity.
If you embrace this truth, you will overcome it. Too often, society and others push us to get over or move forward on things too quickly without taking enough time to process. Processing things in depth can be painful, but can also lead to the best sense of how one works within.
15. To quote another teacher/mentor/friend of mine, “Things will work out.”
If you stick with this mentality, then things always seem to do just that.
16. "You can launch a rocket ship with Excel!"
This quotation can be attributed to Matt Poling, and was one of the best quotations I've heard all year. It shows that a little bit of creativity can go a long way to making the impossible possible. Sometimes the obvious solution isn't always the best solution. Don't be afraid to do something differently just because someone says it can't be done or that you shouldn't do it that way. We are capable of amazing things when we put our minds to it.
17. Slow down.
Our culture in the U.S. pushes us to pride ourselves on doing things quickly. Hastiness is sometimes the opposite of efficiency. Many situations require us to think things through or make decisions over a longer period of time. Be deliberate in your decisions and take the time you need to be comfortable with those. Consider all possible consequences and outcomes; you will then be more likely to make positive decisions for yourself and others.
18. Take time to listen to the music.
Appreciate the arts. Embrace them and know that they are some of the most beneficial experiences we can have as people. Whether it be seeing a play, playing an instrument, or reading or writing poetry, find something you can do to involve yourself in the arts. You will have a better understanding of universal truths and experiences among so many other benefits.
19. Be bold. Take both calculated and uncalculated risks.
A good balance of both types of risk is necessary in life. Know your capabilities and be confident in them. If you find the opportunity to take a risk that seems beyond your capabilities but doable, it is often worth risking failure in order to achieve something more. Sometimes, we need to go on a hunch. In achieving something that seems unachievable at first, we better ourselves. Have a passion for challenges. The reward can often be far greater than the risk in these situations.
20. “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
Of course, I had to end on a Beatles quotation. I will say that I still have many strides to make in learning and putting these lessons into practice. I need to clean up some things in my life. Nobody's near perfection. I’m sure there is more to be said here, but that’s it for now. Chime in if you have anything to add. I will continue to update this note. Thanks for hearing me out. I hope this finds everyone well.
